There have been times recently when  I wished I had.  I was thinking this week that this year has been a complete waste of time.  I was having stress issues and that blossomed into a whole lot more.  Here I am though, finally coming back to the land of the living; new hardware in tact and healing up and eager to getting back to running the JAZ Farm.

I intended to take a leave of absence from work to deal with what looked to be some pretty bad stress related issues.  No sooner did that happened, the pain in my hips hit a crescendo and became a very serious problem.  I haven’t been on a leave of absence, I have been almost completely disabled.  Except for myriad trips to Physical Therapists, then pain specialists, three steroid injections, “Dry Needling” therapy, then a hip surgeon and then a referral to a spine surgeon, all of them screaming about my blood pressure and elevated pulse, I have been staring at the ceiling and playing a lot of computer Solitaire.  I have been tortured for months – all with no pain relief.  The best way to describe it is to imagine someone taking high voltage power lines and stabbing you in the thighs with them.

The long and short of it.

After navigating the maze of our medical system to get a proper diagnosis, it was discovered that the nerves in my lower back were being badly crushed.  When an MRI was finally ordered, it showed that my entire lumbar spine down to my Sacrum looked like it had been hit by a wrecking ball.  The hip surgeon had even asked if I’d been in a car wreck.  The disc in S1 was gone completely.  The disc in between L3 and L4 was what they fondly called a “toothpaste tube” as it had been completely herniated and was squeezing against the nerves.  Two others were completely dried out and the vertebrae themselves were full of calcification that was further impinging on the nerve roots.  I never really understood what it would be like to actually scream and pass out from pain.  I do now and if you are suffering from chronic pain you have my undying empathy.  For months the only relief I could get from the worst pain I’ve ever experienced was to lay down.  I spent months on my dog’s orthopedic bed in our living room, my wife brought me all of my meals to my bedside, and up until this past week I hadn’t driven for months.  It eventually got to the point where I had to lay down on my right side…. which of course started to affect that side as well.  I haven’t slept well for months.  I have to admit that because of the unimaginable pain, that had I not gotten a good diagnosis and finally given a path forward I was going to have to tell someone who’d matter that I was going to become a danger to myself.  I found out that rock bottom actually has a basement.

So that killed the farm work for the year.  We had to cancel our chicken and pig raising, the big garden has 4 foot weeds in it that has sent me into depression; especially when I think of how much work had gone into it and how much work it will take to get it ready for next season:  I’m optimistic that I’ll be back up and around by the end of the year.  I’m not sure about real work.  It might be time to hang it up for good.  A friend said something that I agree with:  that my lower back was where I hid all of my stress.

So once the spine surgeon got to see the MRI it proceeded almost as an emergency.  I don’t know how they did it but we got the insurance approval and I was in for surgery 6 days later.  It was about a 5 hour procedure because of how much had to be done.  They removed the discs from L3 to S1 (what there was left of them) put in spacers, fused 4 vertebrae, cleaned our the vertebrae so the nerves could move and quit being crushed and then tied the whole thing together with two Titanium/Cobalt rods with 8 bolts.  Here’s what it looks like:  (I post these so the folks that like to diminish the seriousness of someone else’s issues can get a little squeamish.  Also, its for those who love to tell you, “Oh that’s nothing!”  My wife’s cousin from Frog Balls Arkansas had it WAY worse than that”, can seriously jump off a cliff.

This is 7 inches long:

For two weeks we had to wrap it with plastic wrap before I took a shower.  It felt like a whole bunch of bee stings when they took out the staples.

Frankenstein’s child:

The surgical PA said that they put in heavy duty rods and bolts because this is a typical rancher type injury and they knew that I’d be back at it.  I have been doing the recovery by the book though so save the “don’t over due it” lectures.  I CANNOT go through this again and the most important part of the recovery is getting a good solid fusion.  Yesterday makes the 5th week since surgery and the recovery guides say that by 6 weeks the fusion should be well in hand but it needs at least 3 months to get strong enough for regular activity.  So I am under orders to engage in no BLT’s:  Bending (try putting on socks or wipe!  TMI). Lifting  (nothing over 10 pounds) or Twisting.  I have all manner of gizmos to help me do everything.  I use a gripper to get things off the floor, a gizmo for the bathroom, a shoe horn with an extension handle, elastic, no tie, shoe strings, a thing to help me put on socks, a walker, and my ever present hiking poles.

I am happy to say though, that the surgery seems to have worked.  The screaming nerve and hip pain has gone.  My toes are awake again and I am walking straight up and down (I was canted severely to the right trying to offload pressure from those left side nerves).  I am now in a Physical Therapy program to help recover range of motion and, as of yesterday, restrengthening muscles that haven’t been used in over a year and that have atrophied severely.  I made the joke that a little 5 pound weight is a lot heavier than it was 18 months ago.  I am working to increase my walking and have been out every day with the dogs going up and down the driveway.  I’m currently at about 1.5 miles of steps with a goal of 3 miles by Halloween.  Here is the gimp actually up and around:

So that is how 2017 has been going.  This, after having had to go to emergency around Christmas time of 2016 because of a ruptured Bursa in my left arm.  Its been unreal!!

I must say thank you’s for all the help I’ve been given.  I have been completely useless and I simply couldn’t have done it without my wife.  I have never seen someone step it up and exhaust herself like she has.  We have been through so much together, and she had to take up the farm slack, run the house, cook, clean, wait on me, AND at the same time SELL a house and all the requisite issues of cleaning, packing, listing, getting the new apartment set up virtually ALL on her own.  I love her to the moon.

In addition, my mother came out twice to at least get the greenhouse and the surrounding beds planted.  We will be canning tomatoes, tomatillos, peppers, salsa, and chili because she came out to take over as JAZ Farmer.

Once my son was done with school he came out and just lent a hand where needed.  He has a very big heart and just having him around was comforting.  The day I first saw the X-Rays, I had a pretty serious mental melt down.  All I could think was that I was Frankenstein’s spawn.  He was there and after having been through his own issues over the years, he had an insight that, I don’t think, anyone else could appreciate.

So it sounds like after 3 months I will be cleared to do housework and light yard work. At 6 months, which would be around the 1st of the year, I should be able to go out and resume the farm project. The fusion will be complete at about 12 months.   I fully anticipate being able to run the farm full time by next planting season.  As it seems I will now be only running the farm and simplifying the shit out of the rest of my life, maybe I will have successfully exorcised the demons that ate my back.

The surgeon pretty much is in agreement that the combination of a seriously stressful job, sitting in a bad ergonomic office, tense, leaned over a desk in front of a computer, along with years of hard farm work (both in the city and then the farm) was a recipe for this.  I will remove the stress component at all costs.  I worried too much about my clients.  If this is what it costs then it is way too expensive.

I am happy to re-engage the farm blog.  We have plans to can big time this weekend and I’ll post the results as it happens.  Thanks for your patience.  Of all my “prepping” this is one that surely snuck in under the radar.  Thank goodness we had a lot of food put up.  In that respect, preparedness proved itself very valuable.