Destruction Lust

Destruction Lust. What a great term! As I had eluded to in the past, I needed to find some new direction here on the blog to keep it going and to keep me interested. What I hope to do from time to time, is to share some of the writing and ideas I put down in my daily journals. Obviously, I am not going to go into all the psychology and just flat out processing of life, but when I come across ideas that strike me as important with respect to the reason for living the lifestyle that we do here, it seems appropriate to let it all hang out. After all, it is my truth, and considering that this place would be one hell of a build to just have it be some “hobby,” I thought I would use this platform to let folks see the horror of my mind. Our world view shapes a great deal of the farm. It seemed right, considering we have crossed that line to 2024 – where you will be filling out checks improperly for a couple of months- that I get down and into the bushes with some of my ideas. So hang on. This ain’t fluffy bunnies and unicorns – although many of you may now have trouble with unicorns. That will be come pertinent if you understand analogy and metaphor

A woman who goes by the name Teal Swan came up with this term: Destruction Lust. She is kind of a new age crystal worshipper, but I like listening to her from time to time. This morning she posted her prognostications for 2024 and used this term as the main descriptor of her video. It also fit in well with anyone who has read, “The Fourth Turning,” or understands what that term means. It is the idea that around every 4th generation, enough time has passed so that people lose the memory of the history of the preceeding generations that went through periods of crisis or tribulation. As a result, history repeats itself and a new period of upheaval results. According to the authors, we are in that period now. Destruction Lust is something I have been feeling down to my core. From the news to social media, to just driving in traffic and the people I have breakfast with, this lust seems to be becoming more and more pervasive. It is my opinion that people are being driven insane on such a scale (locally to globally) that towels are being thrown in and the predominant theme that humanity is troping now is, “Bring it all down.” It is a collective sub-consciousness that seems to be willing its own destruction. ”Destruction Lust” struck a cord and I am finding that it really fits in with my world view – the very core of why the farm is here. The pain and confusion is so crazy making to the population that they seem to want to delete it all. The Fourth Turning. No one seems to want to talk about what might emerge on the other side of such upheaval – if anything – but right now there is a palpable destructive lust in the collective psyche.

The preppers and homesteaders all know it and can feel it. The system as we know it and all of the global upheaval and economic oppression are making people mad, as every possible crisis seems to be trying to happen all at once, not to mention just trying to pay for their basic standard of living that seems to be moving farther and farther out of reach. People are being made mad to the point of collective suicide. One can’t hope for a peaceful world when the predominant theme of this globalist order is the brazen exploitation of one another, particularly by the ruling elite, hedge funds and corporations. Resources and the planet in general – Gaia, who holds all the cards for our own survival – is being laid waste. What’s more is that we all know it but refuse to do anything about it. The left – right divide in the U.S. and the more important top down oppression are all malignant manifestations of this massive Fourth Turning illness.

This is not hyperbole’, Given years and years of counseling and a background in such, humans are, in fact, diagnosably insane. We treat our world like we are children. When I was a very young toddler, my dad took me to the beach in California. My dad had a knack for making sand and snow sculptures. He spent a great deal of time there making a sand pyramid repleat with walls around it and gates and all manner of detail. Some kids, that we didn’t know, had taken up playing with me but they were constantly asking my dad if when he was done and it was built, if they could jump and stomp on it, rather than admiring it and leaving it for people to see. We are like those 3 year olds on the beach, stomping the sand castle after its been built. We built this colossus and instead of trying to make things beautiful and peaceful and perhaps even self-sustaining, we want to stomp it down to nothing.

So there it is, in addition to my own health issues, the reason to hunker down on the farm and do our own crafts and engage in creative expression.

Why does it all feel like chaos? Why does it all feel so dangerous? Because it is. Insane zombies exist and the virus of the mind (The spreading of psy-ops through the media) that made them that way is that Destruction Lust. Contrary to popular belief, people rarely think for themselves. Opinion is largely manufactured and distributed and then repeated millions of times – if that wasn’t true we wouldn’t have a multi-billion dollar advertising and infotainment industry. The truth is that they feel powerless to effect change through any other means. Their lives have been reduced to rubble and the lashing out has now commenced. So that, to me, describes the whole prepper/homesteader movement. We all want out of the line of fire and want to be left to live our lives while the rest of the world loses its collective minds. We want to escape the irrational and what will likely be a horrible Destructive Lust. As I have been diagnosed as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), I feel the emotional impact of this deeply. Deeply to the point of depression. Some people drop out and some people, like my friend Canadian Prepper on You Tube, get scope locked on the events on a daily basis. Of course, he is in his 40’s and has kids and is trying to make a living in preparedness, but it seems clear from his videos, by someone that has something of a skill at reading people and body language, that he is beyond stressed about it. While about 85% of my reclusion is because I need to heal from a lot of issues, the rest is absolutely because of this. I am finding the world increasingly unstable and as such, Zina and I live here at our hand built Shire as American Hobbits.

I will pre-occupy my time by staying away from social media and the need to know everything current event wise in the detail that my old job demanded. I will occupy the last third of my life doing my fiber arts, games, reading, astronomy, our animals, growing food and just keeping the farm safe and secure. Again, to quote The Whopper computer in the movie “War Games” – “The only way to win, is not to play.” Humanity has lost its mind and its outward manifestation is this destruction lust with the end result potentially being mass deletion. Weapons of mass destruction are simply a global cry for help from a population living and reacting at about the mental capacity of 11 year olds. People tend to stop developing emotionally around the age of 11. So if you come across an 80 year old, it is quite likely that you are dealing with someone with 69 years of experience at being 11. This is equally likely with those we have put in charge or who have seized power. Now they want to stomp the sand castles.

You have probably heard this reference in your life, that not being involved makes you part of the problem. I have come to the conclusion that this is utter bullshit and completely misguided. I agree with George Carlin who said, “If you think there is a solution, you are part of the problem.” I think that what we need is a mass resurgence of small farms, a return to subsistence living, cottage industries, local gathering places, communities unencumbered by religion, non-polluting transportation, homemaking and barn raising. Ever since the 80’s, Milton Friedman and the narcissistic, greedy, ego driven capitalists, used his trickle down economics theory as the excuse to lay waste to the living planet. People were sold this supply-side economics tripe and now that they are seeing what shit this has turned their lives into, they want everything and everyone to pay. This is the torches and pitchforks phase of the cancer stage of capitalism. I hate to have to say this, but I think there will be some kind of civil war or revolution. It matters not to me who starts it or why, but the fact that 1/6 was yesterday, it seems we have seen what may transpire when the spark really gets ignited. Whatever it looks like, it will get a very well vetted title for it by the media- which will be completely wrong, but it will keep the peasants enraged so the lust can continue. Lust will be unleashed and even promoted. Because this will happen at the same time hornets with nuclear weapons are converging on Eastern Europe, the Middle East and China, all at the same time, I see little room for much optimism especially when the weapon of mass destruction, equally as destructive, is debt and the collapse of the global economy. Food shortages, because of a refusal to admit or do anything about global warming will cause mass die offs that we are decidedly not prepared for. You can go into an air conditioned building, but you can’t cool a corn field, or water it when the droughts hit (probably in the next few years, if even that long). So I weave and spin yarn. This could all cost millions of lives of the pawns, the global infrastructure and this insane global supply chain system and the very eco-system we all need – that all life on Gaia, needs. The atmosphere cannot withstand the emissions that a global conflict will create. Proof of insanity is that militaries in these new spheres of conflict truly believe, and have stated unequivocally, that they think the use of tactical battlefield nukes in war can be winnable. Destruction Lust will leave Mother Earth no choice but to shut us all down. The Destruction Lust will be complete – proving that NONE of the human systems of governance and how we inhabit this planet were sustainable. Thus, they’ve ALL been wrong. The entire system, ALL of it, wrong. I fear that this is going to get down right awful.

A friend and I have started using “Hobbit” as a verb; i.e to hobbit. Its the way of living in the spirit of Tolkien’s Shire as being really the only way to have a chance of surviving – or at least maintaining some sense of peace while the Orcs ruin everything. I hobbit to heal. I hobbit for peace in a world not of my choosing. I hobbit to take refuge from the Orcs and Zombies that rip, smash and tear at everything on this beautiful Orb. I hobbit so I can create art in a world of glass and steel, smog, weapons, crumbling infrastructure and bombed out cities because they somehow contain the wrong kind of people. Considering how ineffective every single institution this species has created has been, being a recluse seems like a pretty sound alternative.

So far this haphazard evolution of civilization fashioned by 11 year olds has created overpopulation, the depletion of every resource on the planet, communism, democracy, socialism, dictatorships, capitalism, monopolies, concentration camps, genocide, nuclear weapons, massive defense spending because of greed, inept social programs, the U.N., trickle down economics, the Federal Reserve and central banks, human trafficking, drug cartels, wars over resources, for profit medical systems, insane immigration policies, denial of environmental issues, Jevon’s paradox, the fallacy of sunken costs, industrial agriculture, unrestricted fossil fuel development and use, massive species extinction and the death of the living planet. All of this is like a flat screen TV in its depth. There is no there, there. All is with no substance in truth, all is being fed to us so that we can turn the planet into digits on a screen and call it profit. But remember, your vote counts and the gods we all created, love only your side. Christians get a white Jesus and a completely white heaven and he came to earth so we can all become wealthy. Thus, even our gods allow for bigoted racism and the destruction of our very planet – but by all means, let the billionaire 11 year olds talk about colonizing Mars and the second coming (when the first one never happened). It is all too much.

How is it that me retreating into my cave like a kitten crawling into the safety of her box, then weaving, spinning and growing food is wrong compared to this nightmare of Destruction Lust? Things like golf is wrong, revenge travel and flying private jets is wrong, the Military Industrial Complex that rules everything is evil to its core and people are completely infected at all levels with this desire to destroy everything. Yet tonight, the self-appointed beautiful people will fly private jets, doll up in their finest and give each other awards lauding their talents in the entertainment/distraction industry. People who have retreated to the cottage and homestead life have seen the eye of Sauron. There is no one coming to save us from ourselves. Hobbiting, in all of its Shire metaphors, is still the only answer. We need millions more who are much, much, less motivated to further this death cult.

So that oughta give you some things to rage at me about. Have fun. I don’t care anymore. Did you really think I destroyed myself physically to build a farm just so I could have few chickens? Please.

Happy New Year From the JAZ Farm

And away we go! 2023 is gone and I have yet to run into anyone that has said they will miss it. Given what a turbulent year it was for us, this morning we were very happy to see bright blue sky and moderately warm weather greeting us. It wasn’t like that last year. In fact, last year was quite the buzz kill.

One year ago today, during a blizzard and horrible cold, we lost Donovan to bladder stones, and because of him, Julio had to go on to find a new partner. I miss my boys. They were the gurus of the farm. They could teach you more about mindfulness, presence and enlightenment than any human could. All you needed was a handful of animal crackers as an offering.

On a happier note, TWO years ago today, this little nut came home with us. While a lab puppy will test every inch of your patience, she made it to year two and is turning into quite a friend. One needs to learn quickly on that there are basically only three things that can determine the reason for their behavior: 1. Food, 2. They have an unbelievable amount of energy and need to have their asses run off on a daily basis, and 3. They are crazy attached to their humans. Pepper is a bonafide member of the farm crew. No one is getting on this place without her knowing about it and passing it up the chain of command.

A sense of normalcy has settled in on the farm. As I have posted about ad nauseam in this space, we have been looking forward to nesting into the farm and simply living like the old fashioned couple we are. As such, we are switching a lot of gears. While Zina still has to work to keep our insurance (stupid system) we are tapping into our creative spirits. She is currently studying conversational Spanish, took a class on stained glass window making, and as I write, she is up coloring. I have finally gotten back to my loom. We have re-arranged the studio room in the basement and created room for the fiber arts creations to happen. I don’t know where this textile bug came from; Perhaps from my mother teaching me to sew way back in elementary school, teaching myself to crochet around that time or even the commercials about Rosie Greer doing needlepoint. Who knows, but I have laid down some plans to not not only do it as a hobby, but perhaps to even create a little Etsy shop and go around to local craft shows. Nothing is firm, but the seeds are being sown. In addition to that, I had always been pretty fascinated with spinning wool into actual yarn. One idea I’ve had is to use local fleece from sheep and Alpaca’s around here and spin it into yarn and use the yarn to make shawls and scarves. 

Because of my mother’s holiday generosity, I was able to order a spinning wheel and the associated gizmos and bobs. The co-owner of my weaving shop is a nationally known spinner. I was able to get some guidance from both her, her book, and my weaving coach. The wheel is made here in Boulder and is the same brand as my loom. Now I am sitting here fidgeting, waiting for it to arrive…… 6 weeks!!! Oh well, in the meantime I have taken 3 different courses online and watched just about every spinning video out there. It doesn’t look exceptionally difficult, but they have all said it is like learning to play an instrument. Practice, practice, practice. 

I am actually thinking that this will start to become a big part of my day. Stay tuned!

The rest of this posting is simply a collection of things I’ve put on Instagram. My life has changed an awful lot in the past 2 years. It wasn’t all expected. Some has to do with my physical health but a lot has to do with the fact that I have been journaling for almost that whole time. An author I am kind of enamored with goes by the name Jed McKenna. He, as well as Julia Cameron in her book, “The Artist’s Way” talks about writing as a way of connecting spiritually and trying to find your own truths. I also believe that it and my own reading and studying have been more effective than the therapists have been. Jed’s way of putting it is to “Sit down, shut up, and write until you know something that is true.” So I did. And I have. I’ve gone through over 1000 pages. Once you do that diligently, things change….. a lot. While I can’t adequately describe it you will kind of see both in a genuine way and more of an “I’ve run out of patience” kind of way, what I am getting at.

This is my rest of days. It seems fitting to demarcate it on a day of resolutions. I have 1000’s of pages of journaling that got me here. One should live authentically, unapologetically, knowing who you are and where you are going. I am in agreement with Socrates who said that the unexamined life is not worth living. I have gone from the depths to the heights, gone to over there and back again, I’ve overcome ferocious abuse and have gone over this weird ass universe with a fine toothed comb. I know me. Looking in a mirror at my soul doesn’t scare me in the least. This world, driven as it is by fragile egos, cannot understand it. In a world where most are operating on autopilot, programmed by someone other than themselves, I no longer give credence to the opinion or the gaslighting of others. I am awake and aware. The last third is mine, unapologetically. I’ve lost virtually all of my friends because of it and even still, I am content. One needs to die to the past, see the delusion that keeps everyone blind, see the man behind the curtain and, smiling a knowing smile, walk away into the mist. This world, that has been created out of fear and mental illness, holds no place for me and so I need to leave it all behind. I live to create, contemplate, find fulfillment in the natural world, and say goodbye to a world driven to destroy itself. Many search for ultimate reality their entire lives and fail. I can actually give thanks for an abused life as it set me on a quest to see clearly. I know first hand the terror of being in perpetual survival mode and complex trauma. I have better things to do than to waste my time on the subject matter of the slumbering fools: Religion (which is the Pre-K level of spirituality) lizard brained politics, war, and those that would destroy the living planet to turn the land and water into numbers on a screen and count it as power and wealth. This isn’t some Tik Tok infantile “new me” line, this has been a deep soul crushing examination. This was Jed McKenna style spiritual autolysis – a devouring of the self. It has been a decades long clawing away to find truth. I HAD to know. For me there was simply nothing more important than knowing what was true. I have detached. I have become quiet. I have walked away. I have no more questions.

No one is coming to save you. Here’s to hoping we aren’t totally fucked. We are, but here’s to hope anyway. Why do I say it like that? Because somebody has to say it. Might as well be me. I told the whole system to KMA a long time ago. What is unfortunate is that it seems everyone is getting more and more sucked into it on a daily basis.

Are you even a little bit ready? They make you think it is all “The Markets.” Instead, invest in stuff you need, like food and water and protection and medical and know how to use it all. Learn and invest in skills and barterable items, then get tangible commodities. Remember, as opposed to pre-collapse times, to quote Lynette Zang from ITM Trading, “Today, if you don’t hold it you don’t own it.” Digits on a screen do not make wealth. Even a can of beans has value. Navigating the aisles at Target ain’t a skill set. Don’t get Stockholm Syndrome. You will die broke as your corporate masters suck you dry.

In 2024 please invest wisely. Sincerely, a retired old financial guru. We are living in the age of convergence. Everything is trying to happen all at once.

Here’s a good one: I resolve to wake the fuck up in 2024 and detach from the system as much as possible.

Now repeat after me: I, ______, resolve for 2024 to learn how to grow and preserve my own food. Where I can’t, I resolve to buy bulk and buy locally.

Instead of Kroger, if you can’t do anything else, go here. These are farmers that are DOING. Give THEM your money instead of the poison industrial complex that only sells you chemicals and food like substances.

Can you do anything that someone might barter with you for? Do you do it?

Resolve to learn skills and then teach them.

So what is it, that at its core you can do that is actually worth a shit?

If you want to bring emissions down to pre-industrial levels, one must live pre-industrially. The number of people who have followed me to try to get there in the past 17 years? Zero. Here’s to more awakenings in 2024. Best of luck in the “New Year.” I’m pretty sure Super El Nino gots some schoolin’ cummin’ for most of the population. Even the birds aren’t migrating this year. Mandatory powering down will happen easy or hard. Learn some old timey skills if you can’t do anything else for self-reliance. Peace be with you when the freak out happens, because that’s what is coming to those with eyes wide shut. The Orcs rule the asylum. Resolve to get out if you can, live simply and deliberately, grow food and create local community. Decouple from the almighty devices.

“But JON! You just don’t get it! I live in a suburb and can’t do all those things you do!” Really? Wimp. Excuses are like a..h..s.. This picture was PRE JAZ Farm. If I could, you can.

Oh shut up with all this “I can’t” bullshit. You just need to be willing to be uncomfortable for awhile. The average age of a farmer in America is almost 60 (I’m 61). Someone, somewhere is more than willing to teach you. Unfortunately, it is hard to fill a cup that is already full, or show a head that is completely brainwashed by technograndiosity that tech won’t save you. The US Archery Coach used to say that the problem with the US archers wasn’t due to a lack of enthusiasm and drive, it was that they said “I know” way to much. Having to learn isn’t an insult or a blow to your ego unless you deem it so. Better to learn self-sufficiency now than to be dumb, broke and hungry.

“But you are being unfair JON! I live in an apartment and have limited space. I can’t! I can’t I can’t!! I have to get to WALMART for their cheap Chinese shit!” Ya? Tell me more about can’t. This was a 10X10 room. 100% hydroponic. We grew our salad and herbs year round. 

What do you mean “You can’t?” We did it despite all the naysayers to the contrary. You want to change the system!? This is how ya do it! I started building this at 50! Its all a matter of priority, mind over matter and an understanding of what is of ultimate importance. THAT is a New Year’s resolution worth pursuing. Cutting back on buying shit and drinking less coffee and whiskey and eating less McDonald’s ain’t it. Bite off something worthy of your existence. Focus damnit. There are only so many heartbeats in a lifetime. Use yours wisely so that your children might have a chance.

The 11th Anniversary! We Made It!

I heard Alan Watts describe the Taoist concept of Wu Wei, roughly translated as “Not Forcing,” as learning to sail as opposed to rowing; living life more like floating downstream instead of trying to force one’s self against the current. This past year was our final exam in preparing the boat to sail and casting the ores into the sea so we can float on the waves and let things lead where they may. We did it. It is hard to believe that we have been at the farm now for 11 years. Zina and I did the counting (being the counters that we are) and found that she and I have been urban homesteading, farming and living a self-reliant life for around 17 years now. I went a bit farther and found that even though I was raised in a city and worked partly in a city, I have been a rural boy for over half my life. It seems that she and I are the Wise Old Sages of the modern homesteading movement now. My sister would call me (and has) the Old Curmudgeon of a self-reliant life, a moniker I happily wear given what it took to earn that medallion.

As we posted over this past year, the winter and spring of 2022 and 2023 kicked our butts. The weather came in around November of 2022 and stuck around like unwanted relatives until this past summer. We both decided that it was time to power down a bit because if we had to go through that again this year, it would be almost more than we could handle. At 10 years, some of what we had built early on needed repairs. We had livestock that needed to be processed and because of early extreme snows we couldn’t get to it. We ended up feeding not only through snow drifts and sub-arctic temperatures, when spring arrived and the rains came, we slogged for weeks through 6 inches of water just to get to the goats. The farm wife and grumpy old farmer husband are now into our 60’s. We said that our sacrifice for this kind of life was that we gave our 50’s to its build out. We aren’t going to do that with our 60’s as well. We knew that we had our work cut out for us this past year to get things down to a manageable level and that is what we set off to accomplish. There has been kind of a vision of wanting the farm to transition to a place of crafting and creativity while having the infrastructure in place to keep the Orcs at bay that have become, as far as we can see, what lies beyond our gates.

As of this writing, we have the livestock processed, and on the 15th of this month, two more pigs go off to freezer camp, leaving us with 2 down from 9 (Keep in mind that we started with 9, the girls all had babies, so we went to 30, got rid of all of those, which left us with 4, and now we will be down to 2). So for this winter we will only have our layer hens and our goats to really tend to. Of course, because we make cheese and soap, 4 of our does are pregnant, so around February/March, we will be dealing with our annual kidding season (Babies!) and then milking starts a couple of weeks later. We were also able to get all of the gardens put to bed this year, something that didn’t get done properly last year. A friend brought me a dump truck load of compost and I took the tractor and covered all of the raised beds with a couple of inches each. We had to have fresh compost delivered for the first time in 10 years because of all the weed growth that happened from all the rains. All 3 of my compost piles are just loaded with weed seeds now. It will take a season to get them all out of the system before I can use it again. The winter snows and spring rains will help to wash the organic matter down into the soil to help rejuvenate it.

In the past month, we have switched over to getting the house buttoned up. Virtually all of the work here has been on the farming and self-reliance aspect of things. This old dilapidated house was, and is, in need of upgrades. The first of these has been the replacement of all the windows and doors on the main floor. New blinds are due in soon as well (its a good thing the neighbors are a quarter mile away so we don’t have to worry too much when getting out of the shower with all of these uncovered windows!) So all in all the place is pretty well put to bed for the winter and we are looking forward to whatever one would call a sense of normalcy. I call it hibernation.

2023 has been a year of extreme transition. In September, I was actually able to get out of here for awhile and go visit mom at her place. It was the first “vacation” I had taken in 12 years. It was very nice to get back. As with most things though, it was nice to see that nothing major had changed. We got to drive around and see the sights in Michigan’s little finger. I was pretty awestruck by just how green that place is compared to we plains dwellers. I made fun of the fact that there are so many trees up there that you can’t see anything when you go on a drive! She has a beautiful canopy of hardwoods. I was able to do some herb foraging too as she has a White Willow tree, the bark of which can be used like aspirin. Our place, by contrast, is miles and miles of grassland and big sky. I even got reacquainted with rain!

Upon returning, it was time to start getting things ready for the cold that is sure to come here shortly. We heat primarily with wood now, so we had to get the 11 cords that we had delivered all stacked and ready to go. Just like clockwork, we were burning by Thanksgiving weekend.

One success and thrill that we had this past summer had to do with our first ever apple harvest! We have a dozen trees in our little orchard. It is very difficult to grow fruit trees here and this just put another feather in the farmer’s wizarding hat. It takes 5 years for an apple tree to finally start flowering. In past posts, I told the tale of our neighbor’s goats getting onto our property and killing half of our trees because goats LOVE tree bark. These trees were into year 3 of 5 when it happened so I had to plant half the orchard over again just before having back surgery. It was quite a heartbreak. But as with all things homestead and farm, the watchword is perseverance. We were surprised to see in the spring, that most of the trees had finally blossomed! It didn’t all go smoothly as we had one tree get snapped off at the graft during a windstorm, and because we lack pollinators out here, not all of the blossoms got fertilized (note to self to do it manually next time with a toothbrush). The last issue – which was aggravating and humorous at the same time – is that our nut ball black lab puppy, Pepper, decided that because the apples were the same size as tennis balls they must be toys. She proceeded to pull them off the low branches of the trees and scatter them about! So next spring we will put some temporary fence netting around the area so that mizz brainless can’t get at them! All in all we got a couple of smaller bushels of Jonigold apples, and as with every other kind of produce grown right on the farm, the flavor is unlike anything you can get in the store. We even have some freeze dried for snacks this winter. We gots this desert farming down!

This past year, as with all the years here it seems, was another long list of adventures. This time though, our inner children are now in control. While we still have to do all of the “adulting” things that life throws everyone’s way, they now have a safe, self-reliant playground on which to play, craft, create, relax and live in a way that had been over-shadowed by careers, construction projects and horrible world events that show no sign of abating. When we first looked at this place way back in the summer of 2012, we sat on the front porch surveying the monstrous amount of work that lay ahead. I wasn’t even sure that I had the stamina to do it. We were then consumed with career work, building this place over a decade, and helping Aaron get to his goal of being an engineer. Now here we sit, looking back over all that we survey. My back is fused, my knees worn, both rotator cuffs thrashed and just very tired. But it is a tired with an immense sense of satisfaction. At least all of the bodily wear and tear was caused by a very unique set of circumstances. It is a very happy anniversary this year in that we have accomplished all of the tasks we set out to do. The Shire of the JAZ Farm abides.

So looking forward to 2024, despite the Goblins and Orcs of insanity that seem to have overtaken any semblance of decency in our world, we have a place we feel safe to really be ourselves; to live out our years authentically and unapologetically. We have turned our sights on making the place a cozy refuge and a place to pursue our goals and creative endeavors, and if we so choose, just sit and navel gaze. I don’t know of many people who have worked this hard to create a place to hunker down in, but it gives me hundreds of stories to reminisce about while I weave, cook, garden, and just sit my old butt down by the fire. “Now, youngsters, gather ’round and let this old coot tell you about the time that …..”

Just so you know……. JAZ Farm is insanely cool. Unless it is involuntary, we will never leave this place.

Quite A Year So Far

It has been quite a year so far. 2023, as we knew would be the case, has been busy beyond busy. As I’ve written in previous posts, this year was to be the year of powering down a bit. The winter of 2022 – 23 really kicked our collective butts. We lost our donkey Donovan on New Year’s day to bladder stones. The snow started last November and really never stopped. It was seriously cold so the accumulations never really melted off. We were out in blizzards and sub-zero cold hauling buckets of feed and warm water all over the place for the animals. We didn’t so much get ourselves over-extended as we got blind sided. We had pigs that needed to go to the processor, but, of course, the trailer had a flat and was buried in a foot and a half of snow so we couldn’t take them. We had turkeys we wanted to send to freezer camp in November. Before we could get to it it snowed and never stopped. Its hard to butcher birds when the hoses are frozen. Roosters too. We hatch our own layer hens which means that naturally, half will be roosters. We had a dozen of them that were kept way too long and pretty much abused the hens. Also, If you have ever been around roosters, you will know that it is unwise to turn your back on them. That too made feeding something of a trick, I’m always leary about getting jumped by those little Velociraptors. It was quite a season feeding animals that were never intended to be around this long. The pigs were the big deal. Not only did we have nine through the winter, we had some prison breaks where the boars got in with the girls. Over the course of the first month or so of spring, we had some 30 babies! Sorry, its a farm. They didn’t all find happy homes…. although some did. We had decided to get rid of our breeding pairs. Some things in life imagine better than they live. Given our glorious economy, feed prices sky-rocketed just like groceries. Nine good sized pigs will eat you out of house and home. We were going through more than a ton and a half of feed every 4-5 months at a cost of almost $800.00 a ton! That’s worse than the increase in meat prices in the store. I don’t care how good it is compared to factory raised pork, that is some expensive bacon!! So currently we have 450 lbs. of pork from the boars (Guinea Hog boar meat doesn’t taint like heritage breeds do. In fact, it has been amazing). We have 45 meat birds in another freezer and the roosters are now called soup and stew.

We thought that we would get a reprieve from all the unusual weather come the spring. The universe simply said, “Here, hold my beer!” We went straight into the wettest and muddiest spring I have ever seen here. We waded through 6 inches of water for weeks to get to the barn to feed the girl goats and the turkeys. The ATV got stuck in the mud when the dogs ran off and needed a tow truck to be retrieved. The pigs now had to be fed in the mud, and I gave up on the rain gauge when it got to be over a foot. We had gotten to the place where we were hating the place. It was so much unrelenting work. Now city folk, save me the platitudes again by stowing the, “Well that’s life on a farm!” Like you’d know. This was an unending marathon. When your mindset is a looking forward to simpler times, it was like the boss saying, “This ought to be a light day” and then it turns into the Bataan Death March. The thought had crossed my mind of just shooting the critters from the front door and going back down to the wood stove. There were a lot of mental gymnastics involved with getting through all of this.

Now, to be fair, with all of this wetness there were pluses and minuses. Minuses: We live on the edge of the desert. It is the semi-arid high plains. Prior to this year I hadn’t had to mow more than once or twice in the past 3 years. As of this writing, I have had to mow down the “yard” – 5 acres – 4 times. I have had to mow down a five acre pasture so the goats could actually see where they were going and the weeds simply took the garden. It almost seemed that the weeds were growing a foot a day. Fortunately, the vegetables liked the free water as well, so we didn’t get skunked. However, it added boatloads of additional work. The flooding around the area was amazing and we had sandy, dried up creek beds, flowing to the point that it was taking out roads. There were a couple of instances of cars getting washed away and drowning the drivers.

The weeds owned us! I was mowing down Kochia plants (they become tumbleweeds) and Lamb’s Quarter the size of saplings. Often it had to be done twice just to get the things cut down to a respectable level. Some of the garden beds never got planted because the weeds were threatening to eat us!

The pluses: As I mentioned, the actual garden plants really appreciated the free water as well. Up until this month I really hadn’t needed to water. Now, of course, we are back to good old Colorado summer weather and all those weeds are now turning into potential torches. Fire warnings are being posted just about daily. The other thing was just how fast the flowering plants of the plains popped up. Where there were clearer areas from the tall weeds, the flowers popped up everywhere. Folks with allergies didn’t care for it, but it was really pretty.

The big construction project of the year, other than auto and tractor repairs was the re-skinning of the greenhouse. The wind, in the spring of 2022, finally overcame the plastic sheeting. Out here, the UV degrades everything and we have winds and hail worthy of the Wizard of Oz. This was really hanging over my head. I’m not really ladder worthy anymore and the roof at its peak is about 11 feet. The sheeting is 12 feet by 3 feet and really needs two people at a minimum to hang them. As with every project out here, I fret and fret and fret about it until I get to a solution. This time it was Zina to the rescue. I’m pretty much absent from social media except for Instagram. She found a combination father and 2 son team on Facebook that do odd jobs when their other jobs slow down. We had them come out and they were actually eager for the work as they had spent the majority of the time this year mowing down other people’s weeds. The 2 young kids were like monkeys scurrying up and down the ladders. At that moment (they were 20 somethings) I realized just what an old fart I had become. Even the father, who was more than 10 years younger than me, was just the materials handler, handing things up the boys as needed. Keep in mind, I started building this place at age 50. Aaron and I put the greenhouse up initially. The 50 year old father of the team wouldn’t do ladders. I think that makes me Hercules!

I did some modifications to the old greenhouse design. I had them put on a metal ridge cap to create more of an anchor for the plastic sheets. We also put tin along the bottom for more rigidity and so we can weed whip around it without damage the plastic siding. Personally, I think the thing looks better than it did when it was new. It has already stood up to the wind and it doesn’t leak! Here is to it lasting another 10 years. Next to my basement seedling room, this is my favorite place on the farm.

As you can see, this powering down year has proven itself to be every inch of the crazy work we knew it would be. Because of the greenhouse fix, we didn’t plant as diverse of a garden as we are used to. The repair crew was told that it was better to smash the plants to get the thing fixed, than to worry if the lettuce survived. Wouldn’t you know, those monkeys didn’t touch a plant. Everything, except for a cabbage worm infestation on the Kale, is doing great! – Even, and especially, the weeds! We didn’t plant sunflowers this year. They just planted themselves. I hung some shade cloth to begin a Raspberry and Elderberry bed. If you have ever wanted to drill holes through T posts I would recommend against it. They are insanely hard steel. I needed 10 holes and it cost me 7 steel cutting drill bits and some pretty sore shoulders!

So we are working the JAZ Farm plan. All who know me be advised, next year will be the first time since we found this money pit that I will be able to devote most of my time to the gardens and to weaving. Don’t expect much from me for it is high time for me to be able to play. I don’t know many people who had to work this hard to build their retirement dream but here it is! Yes, I am crazy proud of it, but if I never see a power tool again, I will be a very happy farmer indeed! I don’t care what anyone else thinks: JAZ Farm is insanely cool!

Breathe, Live Simply, Move Slowly

I read somewhere that sometimes trying to create a change or, as some say, having the universe tell you to change, that the indications will come in the form of some kind of pain. The idea that in order to make the change happen, give one determination and to help ensure that it has staying power, one must become so uncomfortable with the current situation that change must happen. I do believe that I we are getting that sort of message.

The next evolution in this great farm adventure is a powering down to a more residential speed limit from the full on throttle of the expressway that has been going on for more than 10 years.

The farm has come along in stages. I have written and spoken with others about the concept of entering “The Last Third” of our lives now that Zina and I have both entered our 60’s. All of the work going forward is now to simplify into our eventual retirement (Zina said I never retired. I just changed jobs). I know from several indications (including my wife’s demeanor – gasp!) that we are entering that phase of our homestead lifestyle. Also, and just as importantly (and it affects my moods as well) is that my body is pretty beat up. I am arthritic from my neck to my ankles. My breakfast friends have named that particular pain inflictor, Arthur (Arthur – itis). It can make life pretty unbearable. The inflammation makes things flair up and all I want to do is sit. Throwing 2000 lbs. of feed bags in a day is getting pretty ridiculous. Therefore, it is time to position ourselves for the phase of enjoyment and contentment in the Shire that we spent so long creating.

Phase 1 of the farm was, of course, to build it. I was compelled by a vision of what it should look like so that it could do almost anything we wished. Check that off the list. Mission accomplished.

Phase 2 was to have all of the rural preps (beyond food and water) available so that we could be safe out here in the sticks from injury, health issues, power outages and storms. Check.

Phase 3 was to use the farm to not only feed us but to feed us into the future. As they say in survivalist parlance, “Stack it to the rafters.” We learned how to dehydrate, can, freeze, ferment, dry pack and freeze dry. The freeze dryer was a game changer. Nothing from the gardens goes to waste anymore. Check. Next was to figure out the best way here to do water catchment. I would still love a below ground cistern, but given that Zina is now in charge of the home renovation projects, the tanks I have will have to suffice. We did find that by putting a livestock water trough heater in the 1000 gallon tank that we were able to keep it from freezing, which could have ruptured the valve that is used as a faucet. There is more to do, but as you will read, we now are to one step at a time and are eliminating the frantic pace of farm construction multitasking. As Tom Brady said after his last game of the season, “I am retiring…. This time for real.”

So now we are on to Phase 4. This stage is the move to simplify, de-clutter and to live at the level of a simmer instead of a full roiling boil; enjoyment instead of prepping and building. This is something I wish I could tell the younger families that have launched out on this homesteading journey. This kind of project can consume you. That isn’t a bad thing considering the screen mesmerized zombies of suburbia, but you MUST be able to see there being an end game to this craziness, or crazy is what it will drive you to become. You need to be able to see where it all ends up eventually so that all the pieces add up to a whole picture instead of a hodgepodge of things that don’t tie together. Planning is as important as having.

Sure, repairs will always be needed and things will need to be maintained, but the build out phase will and must end.

The accumulation phase will also end. If you keep piling things up for different tasks you will never be able to become the master of any of it. You will also have enough and you need to know what that level is. Defensive tools and gates, etc. are finite and will simply need to be maintained. Your pantry will also be filled at some point simply because no one has infinite space. Use it, and when needed, rotate it and replenish it. Use your gardens and buy in bulk to keep things leveled off, but at some point, it will be enough. Use water tank systems to hold water and cycle it out just like the food. Know how to purify it and have filtration systems. We hold around 1100 gallons currently and use the barn roof to catch more. Living in a drought prone area of the country makes this something of a necessity.

This does NOT constitute a complete life – unless of course you lack imagination. If you live this 24/7 I wouldn’t consider you a homesteader or even a simple a hobby farmer, I would classify you as a kind of a first class tinfoil hat wearing prepper. Hyper-vigilance about the crazy state of affairs in the world is one thing, an inability to create, thrive and live contentedly as a result of your efforts is quite another. If you can’t do that… what then is the point?

So our phase 4 then is to focus on the things that give our lives meaning and contentment; to use all of these prepper and homesteading skills (which are, in themselves, significant) to allow for what everyone in this country is always yammering on about: Freedom and Liberty – and I would add even as importantly – creativity and self-expression. Use your off – grid life to do the things in life that you love, without the complete despondence for and complete dependence on, a system that has proven time and time again to not care one bit about you. Use the farmstead, not hide like a scared mouse. Use it to break free of that which Kurt Anderson coined, “The Fantasy Industrial Complex” that you embarked upon all these years ago to escape. Create your safe place, then exploit that safety and self-sufficiency to live a life of purpose and contentment. You get to choose what that is. This is how the creative spirit (or just my receptive brain hating bodily pain) sorted things out for us; taking a roiling boil down to a self-sustaining simmer.

You see, in our case, knowing how to raise and store our own food doesn’t mean that it has to be all consuming in scope. It can be taken back up at any time and for any reason, especially if we see the shelves becoming too thin. It is ok if some of our pastures lay fallow or that the pig pens don’t always have pigs in them. We can do it again in the blink of an eye. It’s not like we will forget how. We are simply choosing to switch to other more creative elements of our lives. So the work this year will still be a LOT of work. It is just to decommission some of it to make way for other things. The turkeys need to be processed along with the stewing birds (all of which got delayed because of this pretty harsh winter we have been in). The layer flock will always need tending (and given the egg shortages is more valuable than the mutual funds I used to utilize)

The pigs, because of the cost of feed now, need to be reduced and then zero’d. BUT, as I say this to the younger of us venturing out, all of these meat and protein sources can be hatched out again or acquired from other breeders whenever we need to. If handled properly, just these sources I mentioned will be a year or more worth of food. I will likely end up freeze drying at least one whole pig. In addition, the greenhouse needs repairing so the gardens will be lighter this year. I do really enjoy having the goats for cheese and soap making so that will be ongoing. The house and the garage need arranging and de-cluttering. But as you can see, all of this is leading to the slow simmer, down from the boiling urgency of the past 10 years. Each subsequent task accomplished should lessen the ongoing tasks overall, thus bringing us down the highway off ramp, feeling the tension release of slowing down and getting back to the residential speed limits of an every day life. Interestingly though, it should still provide us with all the food we need and as such, keep all of this inflation under control. We have the bugs worked out of all of this. Younger homesteaders….. learn from your elders so that you don’t become yet just another flash in the pan.

Zina, WAY more than me, needs more social interaction (Nothing that I can provide). She has also toyed with volunteering, outdoor photography, and seems to have a knack for quilting. Anything hobby-wise works, but it is time to make space for such things. So we are moving to a reduction of some tasks and expenses (pig feed) that once served us so well, but that can now be put on a shelf to be brought back down when needed.

For my part, I need to feel more creative and also feel attentive to the gardens in preference over the livestock for awhile. I toyed with the idea of spinning yarn, but I don’t knit or crochet so I would need to learn how to spin for weaving. That is possible, so we will see if that evolves. In addition to my existing floor loom, I have a curiosity about tapestry weaving – specifically Navajo rugs, so the learning curve here would be never ending. I would also like to produce enough weaving textiles to have inventory to go to local craft fairs. I want to get out my telescopes again. Archery is done I fear. My shoulders hurt too much on an ongoing basis to subject them to that kind of pressure. Cooking and food storage goes without saying. It is one of my talents and it helps to fill the creative spirit niche that we are after here. I will also continue on with my herbalism studies. I have found it to be a lot of fun and quite interesting. I have in my head to build a smokehouse using an old wood stove we have and I love the idea of doing some Permaculture landscaping too. In all of this though, simply going for a walk with the dogs would be enough of a de-stressor to clear my head.

So to those who have asked just how long we think we can keep this up, you were asking the wrong question. The question is, how are you going to “live” at the farm once all the phases have been completed? The answer is that we are here. This new phase – to make the space and physical surroundings for the hobbies and creative endeavors we want in our lives – is here. Right now it is in about a year long transition, but transition it will. Things happen when you develop a plan and then work it. It has been the story of my career and of the farm creation. None of this happened by hook or by crook. If you aim at nothing, nothing is exactly what you will hit.. or worse yet, hit something you didn’t intend. We created a space of safety and self-sufficiency because the writing is sprayed in bright hunter orange all over the walls. Now we can use this behemoth we created to support a contented life in the last third to the highest extent possible. The last phase: Creating Space, is no small task; but it creates a clear vision of what we have been working toward for these strange and adventurous 10 years. After all, if you don’t have an end game to all of this, why bother? 11 years ago we sat on the porch of this dump and Zina said she could really see us retiring here. All of these phases have been the lead up to that point. Far be it for me to let her down.

A Rocky Beginning to 2023

Crisis management seems to be the watchword so far for 2023. We kind of got ripped off with respect to our holiday vacation time. Aaron and I spent about a month prior to Christmas with an absolutely awful case of the flu. According to his test it wasn’t the bat bug, but Influenza A. I don’t really care what you call it, but it came pretty close to landing us up in the hospital. I would have self-diagnosed with a bad case of Bronchitis or even Pneumonia. Zina had time off so she took on the chore tasks and we boys laid around looking and feeling miserable. Before you get all insulting about “Man Flu,” keep in mind that I haven’t been down with any real sickness for 20 years that I can remember. This was pretty awful.

December 31st, 2022 marked the one year anniversary of our puppy, Pepper. I have never been around a dog with more insane energy than she has. She has become quite the sweetie, but OMG is she nuts! She has calmed down somewhat, which is probably that dad’s ferocity is overwhelming her hyper-activity (I’m glad we live out in the country – sailors would be embarrassed). Suffice it to say that she is now a part of the family and has successfully survived her first year here. She absolutely loves to play and gets so excited when we are out feeding that we have to put her in her pen in order to get anything done. However, when one of the boy goats got out of his pasture, Pepper was on the spot and had him back into his proper place in short order.

Leading up to the new year, we had a big ol’ propane delivery truck get stuck in our driveway. We had a big snow and it began to ice up. Of course, they sent him out to us and we got the rookie. 3 hours later, a tow truck capable of pulling a semi, came and got him out. About 5 days later he got in and did his job. Just another of a long list of comedic errors. We even had a visit from the local Sheriff because, well, lets just say, “People. Not a big fan.”

But then it really hit the fan. New Year’s day 2023. Regardless of the season, animals must be fed and cared for. This has been a rough winter weather wise as a result of these “Pineapple Express” snows that have been coming through pretty regularly. It hasn’t gotten very warm so it hasn’t melted away. We have experienced -18 degrees with wind chills of 45 below. The good news is that with the way we have things set up we know that the animals can withstand that cold. All of them, even the pigs, can get out of the elements and hunker down. Many of them naturally huddle together or burrow under straw together so their body heat keeps everyone warm. Farm animals are remarkable critters.

Unfortunately, after all the severe cold was said and done, Zina and Aaron went out to feed on New Year’s day. While I was getting breakfast going, Aaron came in and said that mom said to tell me that Donovan, one of our donkeys, was down in the wet muck in the barn, was shivering and wouldn’t get up. Anyone familiar with equines knows that when an animal is down like that and won’t get up, it isn’t going to be your best day. We initially thought that maybe his feet were frozen, but he had access to clean straw, so why would he lay down in the grunge? We managed to get him up and dried off. He had lost a lot of body heat so everything was kind of a matter of urgency. Zina put a big pile of straw on the floor for him to lay on and down he went again. So that prompted an emergency call to the vet. I could not believe that we got a hold of someone. I guess working with her for 11 years had some pull. Also, she is the lead vet for the donkey shelter we got the boys from 5 years ago. Doctor G got a hold of the shelter and then they all showed up out here! We will forever be grateful that they were around.

The vet and I wrestled Donovan into a stall and proceeded to treat him for what was presenting as Colic….. but, of course, donkeys don’t get colic. The vet went in both ends and then noticed that when he tried to pee, nothing was producing. Which, of course, means a blockage of some kind. She took blood and as the shelter folks had arrived, we took him and his partner Julio, got them on the trailer and evacuated them to the hospital barn at the shelter. The reason Julio went along is because donkeys pair up. If they are separated they can really have adverse reactions. Julio is 25 years old, Donovan was 18. They had been together a long time.

Donovan was under observation over night and in the morning was much, much worse. They had initially gotten him up and eating but that was probably only due to the fact that we had done so much at our place to get him hydrated and a bit more stable. We got the call from the vet that morning. Kathy, the shelter operator, Zina and I were all on the same page, surgery was really not an option. Donovan had to be put down. Of course, because of how sudden this all was, it was quite a shock. Zina and I second guessed ourselves pretty severely struggling to figure out if something we did caused all of this. The kick of it was that not a day before he was up and eating. Until New Year’s day, he looked healthy. Then we got the reprieve. The vet called with the results of the blood work and the numbers indicated severe internal muscle damage and when they put him down he passed a part of a bladder stone (The bladder is a muscle). He must have had many of them. It was something that even if we had known it, there was very little that could be done. Donkeys don’t do well under anesthesia.

This was quite an ordeal and it has left quite a hole here. Donovan’s passing was sad, but I was most worried about how Julio would do after losing his buddy. I guess he kind of knew there was a problem. They said it was almost as if he said his goodbyes, sniffed at him and then wandered out to be with the other senior donkeys in the donkey nursing home. We had to then monitor him because when they get older and lose a partner, they can give up and stop eating and drinking. Not Julio. Buck Owens was a brown mini that had lost his life long partner awhile back (She was another brown mini named Annie Oakley – not kidding). As serendipitous as this was, Julio and Buck took to each other right away. It didn’t take 3 days and they were palling around to the point of being inseparable.

Dovovan

Both Boys – Donovan in the front, Julio, the Guru, behind.

Julio and his new found friend – Buck Owens. Julio is the one mooning you!

The decision, however, had to be made by us as to whether or not to bring them back to the farm. These are old boys and old souls. Given that we are needing to streamline the farm to accommodate us also becoming old farmers and old souls we had to decide if we wanted to continue on knowing that they would require more and more from us as they age. We went out to the shelter and spoke with the owner. She listened to us and let us cry on her shoulder. We decided that this was a chapter that had to close. I never thought it would be this hard. We considered them the Guru’s of the farm. They were such gentle beasts. I like to think that maybe someday we will have donkeys again, but given the way life goes, I doubt that that will be the case. I miss Julio to the moon.

It did us a world of good to see Julio with his new companion. The information we got from the shelter was that donkeys aren’t dogs. Dogs really bond with their masters, donkeys bond with each other. He knew us, came up to us for butt rubs, but he seemed far more interested in hanging with Buck. That created some closure. Over the years of this farm project we had to continually decide what we wanted to bring ON to the place. This is the first time we had to decide what needed to go. It was the right choice. Right choices are always the hardest. They are in impeccably good care. Now we move on.

So 2023 is off to a questionable start. I am going ghost for awhile. Not in the modern sense of suddenly not texting someone, but in becoming more of a recluse in order to focus on the farm’s human livestock. If we don’t take care of ourselves and each other, this place does not function. This is going to be a bit of a different year I fear. I have the huge job of fixing the roof on the greenhouse so it won’t really get planted. It is pretty likely we have 4 pregnant does, so come April will have some little bouncers, and the milking will resume. All in all, we are striving for a more peaceful and calm existence compared to years past. I hope all of this finds you well. If you haven’t taken care of yourself, I hope you do. Things are getting a little weird; which is the reason we built the farm in the first place. Happy New Year. Peace.

Happy 10th Anniversary To The JAZ Farm!! 12-4-12 – 12-4-22!

Greetings Earthlings! How has everyone been!? I hope all is well for everyone during this, the second and greatest depression! This year has been something of a whirlwind for us. Events and exhaustion have all kept me from being my diligent blogging self. However, given this momentous occasion and the fact that I tend to see things in life in milestones, I had to jump on and celebrate a full decade of building, gardening, farming, homesteading and all around saying FU to the man.

Not a whole lot has changed since I last made blogging keystrokes. The homestead is doing what the homestead was intended for and we continue to become more and more self-sufficient every day. So much of our world seems to have lost it’s mind and the farm lets us kind of sit back, munch some popcorn, and watch a show the likes of which was hard to imagine just a few short years ago. I hope all of you following along have stocked up your pantries, gotten the hell out of the crashing economy, haven’t been too badly affected by the inflation and fuel costs and the all around other ways this place seems to use to try to mine you of the contents of your wallets.

We took heed this year to the issues surrounding our meat supply. Given that ranchers are sending cows to market far sooner than usual because of the drought and the newest avian bird flu has forced the culling of 50 million birds (both turkeys and chickens) we can expect to see skyrocketing prices even beyond 2022 levels next year. We have been freeze drying our chicken eggs. We just recently put 50 meat chickens in our freezer, have a dozen turkeys at about slaughter weight, and we buy half a cow from our neighbor up the road. Our goats provide us with the milk we need to make soap, yogurt and cheese, so most of the proteins are pretty well covered.

As with everything on a farm, even if you have been at it for a decade or more, it is a grand experiment. We had been raising up baby pigs over the years with great success. The next evolution of that process was to find pigs that didn’t get so incredibly big like the heritage breeds do and keep a breeding pair and raise our own. We do that with the goats and chickens and used to with the turkeys, so we thought, “What the hell….” We got our pairs and for a couple of years we couldn’t get them to breed. We found out that if the males and females are kept together they put each other in the “friend zone.” Nothing. After a couple of years…. nothing. So as I had posted previously, we built a pasture just for the boy pigs. It is over in what used to be our main gardens. Evidently, nature’s call was pretty alluring and the boys busted through the fencing and got in with the girls. 4 months later…… 2 litters totaling 13 babies. One of our sows had them in a freak snow storm and unfortunately all but 2 died. We then got the privilege of hand bottle feeding the remaining two for two months. Those two have since moved on to our neighbors down the road (I mean, what were we going to do with 13 babies!?) The neighbors also took 1 of the baby boys from the second litter so they can do their own pork raising as well. So now we have 2 -350 lb. boars, 2 full grown sows and 5 babies all trying to eat us out of house and home. Given the ridiculous increase in feed costs (38% since the first of the year) we are rethinking just how wise it is to keep the breeders and having to feed them every single day.

Above: Penny within day of exploding.

So the plan right now is to send a couple of the pigs at a time off to freezer camp. If we did two at a time we have enough pork on the hoof to last us several years. So we won’t be getting rid of them all at once, but by the time we get through these 9, the old fart farmers will be pushing their mid-sixties. This is already butt busting enough work, I don’t think we will be hurting if we scale this operation back. Besides, if we still want to raise pork 4 years from now and the world hasn’t imploded, we can always get babies to raise from other folks that would be happy to sell them. To give you an idea, part of their ration is Alfalfa Pellets. I buy them by the skid (ton). At the beginning of the year, a skid was around $525.00 (we go through 4 a year). The last skid I ordered was $730.00. Now, I don’t care how good the meat is, that is pricey bacon. So you learn to adjust. We have had such good luck raising meat and stew birds that it isn’t as much of a necessity as it used to be. With our freeze dryer, none of it will ever go to waste.

Another reason for being kind of on the quiet side this year was seeing the graduation of our son Aaron from Colorado State. He graduated this past May and low and behold is now a gainfully employed Mechanical Engineer here in Denver. It took about 5 months of arduous application sending to get there. As serendipity happens, he was all set to take a part time position at Lowe’s to bridge him over while applying for a career job. A week later, voila! Good salary, benefits, the whole enchilada. We couldn’t be happier for him. In fact, we are very happy for him and pretty happy for us as well. We all three work as a team. While he may head off on his own at some point, the added contribution he makes certainly is welcome. He really likes what he is doing and the position even holds the possibility of advancement. In any case though, anyone telling you that college isn’t worth the effort probably doesn’t understand the problem. He did the brain thing, his CPA mom and Financial Planner dad, got him through it without the Starbuck’s career inducing student loan payments.

It doesn’t seem possible that this craziness of building and running a farm/homestead has reached a decade. I told Zina that it has gone on for so long now, that it was “just what we do.” Then, this past fall, after pondering the year and Aaron landing a job amidst one of the worst economies of the past same decade, I woke up and discovered, “here we are.””Oh look! A farm! How did that get here?” Then I try to get out of bed and discover that what is also ten years older are all of my joints. I have developed a pretty good case of head to toe arthritis over the years. They say to “listen to your body.” That’s easy because mine mostly screams at the top of its lungs. The other tell tale sign is that those things that will break and need repairing over time have begun to happen. Both of our screen doors were practically ripped off of the house this year because of wind. Also, because of UV degradation and wind, the roof is blowing off of our green house. I have begun trying to source replacement materials and that means that my 10 year older ass will need to get on a ladder for a couple of weeks to reskin that structure.

Zina and I decided when Basil, our eldest lab, died that if we were going to go through puppy-hood again we had best get on it now while we still have some energy. Perhaps we THOUGHT we had the energy. Pepper is turning into quite the lover black lab, but holy Jesus have I been wanting to kill her!! She is insane. I told both Zina and Aaron to keep reminding me what an awful experience the last 7 months have been. She was an AWFUL puppy. I am happy to say that her ears are starting to turn back on, but holy f-ing god has she been a terror. She is our 3rd lab and maybe I blocked the other two’s puppy years from my mind, but you can rest assured I will NEVER go through this again. We love her to pieces at this point, but so far the vet won’t prescribe her any Ritalin. Sage, our now eldest, will put up with her for awhile in the morning, but I think if she knew where my guns were and had opposable thumbs, that she would use them. Oh well, we love the dogs and she is growing on us. I do know that they slow down and they are great intruder alerts. Yes, folks, now that she has survived her first year here, I would indeed miss her. Pepper is an absolute lunatic.

Let’s see…. what else? Oh right, I rebuilt the turkey run this year. We have great luck hatching and raising our own chickens. We have excellent incubators and we keep a pure bred flock of Buff Orpington layers. The turkeys? Not so much. They aren’t like chickens that lay year round. They are seasonal layers (mostly in the spring). They don’t lay an awful lot of eggs and by the time you get enough to put in the incubator, some seem to be beyond viability. With chickens, if we fill both incubators with eggs (a total of 42) we will likely get close to 35 that hatch. If you get, say, 18 turkey eggs the best we have done is around 6. It’s much easier to get them from the hatchery and let them deal with it. In the case of the Zombie apocalypse though, we can easily go back. So I re-jiggered the turkey run to be one full cage instead of a small and medium sized one. They have a 35 x 25 run now. We keep about a dozen at a time and all of them have full access to the outdoors and the feed and water is inside the barn. If the weather is inclement, they have the opportunity to get into the barn (although turkeys are the single dumbest birds on the planet and sometimes it seems like they would rather freeze to death than avail themselves of shelter).

We homesteaders are an independent lot. For whatever life lessons and reasons we tend to be pretty distrustful of anyone that says, “Trust me.” With all of my life experiences, I have a visceral disdain of all things pharmaceutical, industrial ag, etc.. I usually acquiesce to my doctor’s orders but I am quick to start researching whether or not she is full of it. Because of this, and me thinking that mother earth is a far better healer, I have embarked on a quest to become a certified herbalist. I started my first introductory course this year and have since been making salves and balms, tinctures and teas. While an herbal approach might not be as hard hitting as a pill from Walgreens, it certainly can aid in speeding things along. Also, because of the farm, I have the space to grown my own pharmacy. So I am. So far it is very interesting and keeps my attention far better than the continuing education I had to do for finance. All I need now is a pointy wizard’s hat and I’ll be all set!

So milestones. I tend to see things in chapters and milestones. Anniversaries are a big part of it. This year I turned 60 (yes I know all you old farts out there. There is always someone older and uses it to their ego’s advantage. I turned 60. A milestone.). In addition, the farm turned 10. Which means I gave my 50’s to building this place (which was also no spring chicken age). Aaron graduated from college. At the end of the month Zina and I will have been married 29 remarkable years. I am sure she thought that it was one long strange trip. But in addition, we are at the end of the contract with the guy I hand selected to succeed me at work. What does this mean? Well. It means that since grad school (which in itself was a bizarre set of events) I am now completely unaffiliated in anyway with Wall Street and the den of worms that infest so much of the world. I have no ties at all to any financial companies, mutual fund institutions, banks, insurance companies, clients, NOTHING!! I am not licensed, I don’t have to keep up on any of it and because of all the bullshit of the past 4 years or so, we have NOTHING in the markets! Most people worry about diet and exercise but few understand how their lifestyle could be worse than the Big Macs. This 10 year anniversary marks not only a pointer that we ain’t rookies at this, but a freeing of our family team to divorce ourselves even more from an abusive society that has wreaking havoc on us for decades.

I spent this past year in kind of a Meditational awareness. I knew that I had given my 50’s to the last great push of my life. My purpose was to build the farm, get the kid through school, become as self-sufficient as possible and then be able to live a life free from the insanity going on all around us. It has all worked out better than I think we expected. But it came at a cost. 10 years. Now yes, you could say, it was a dream. You’d be right. But I never thought, when we started this that it would become a bunker against some seriously psychotic behavior in our world. The pure intention of the farm was to live a rural life, grow great food and simply have a good time doing it. Since then, we have financial upheaval, supply chain disruptions, bat bug hysteria, food shortages, toilet paper shortages, climate chaos, and a partridge in a pear tree. So as an abused soul would do, he pushed all the enjoyment to the back burner once again and enlisted the great internal warrior and fortified the keep. In therapy we called my inner warrior, The Incredible Hulk. It worked. However, that greater purpose that so many have said, “but now you should enjoy it,” went to the wishful list in the sky. The idyllic farmstead with antiques and beauty and creativity went the way of defense against the dark arts. The pointy hatted wizard set to fend off even more than he did with clients because the shit hadn’t hit the fan so hard yet then. But the warrior is so very tired. The task, Herculean. It is time to become simply the Wise Old Sage.

So what happens now? With this blog? I will probably continue on as the spirit moves me. I am weary of posting garden planting, harvesting, animals and fences. So something else will likely take it’s place. I do know for certain, that I am going to be disappearing for a great deal of this next near. You see, in this past year I was able to really work on some things. I can tell you without a doubt that I know who I am, what I want, and what I will and will not tolerate from anyone. That statement comes from years and years and thousands of dollars of trying to figure it out. If you look at some of the recent videos of the actor Jim Carrey, it is much the same. Awakening. It is thus: After all that the people close to me and then the wider society put me through, I will be living the rest of my life (The Last Third as I have coined it) authentically, without regard to opinion, and unapologetically. As a family, we have done above and beyond the call to get here; but get here we have. I will be working on developing the creative spirit of this place. It was a sad part of my upbringing that happiness was considered selfish. I know it exists, but I am working very hard to understand what it actually is. I am thinking that contentment is a better term. We will always take our responsibility for our animals and the necessary chores here seriously, but it is high time that this place become the Shire we always intended it to be. Animals will be simplified. Gardens prioritized. Crafts will be incorporated, and natural beauty will be the emphasis. After all, we live in a universe where souls get eaten. There comes a time when enough is enough. While yes, age is a contributing factor, so is a past marathon life of full time work coupled with building a place of refuge. If you haven’t done it you don’t get an opinion. As we hit the milestone of 10 years, that is where things will go from here. We are walking away. Ya’ll done fucked everything up. We are going to try to salvage some of reality and peace here and learn the meaning of simplicity and happiness. Happy Anniversary to all the JAZ Farm peeps. May the world just go off and leave us alone.

OMG I Iz Famous!

HAHA! Not really. However, I did have the honor of being interviewed on a podcast that is produced by a friend on Instagram and some of his compatriots. We have known each other for quite a while and have walked in some of the same “Peak Everything” and Climate Change circles. He has often said that his real curiosity is finding out what caused people to actually move their feet when it comes to world and societal issues where others simply complain about them or live in complete denial. Mike lives in a yurt in New Mexico. We share very similar views on life, the universe and everything (42). So when I was invited to be interviewed I was thrilled to be asked. The content is an overview of what got me (more to the point, us) to actually leave everything behind and start a farm out in a sea of grass on the high eastern plains of Colorado. It is my favorite kind of format. It is irreverent, I get to cuss, and we all laugh and share stories about the absurdity of our predicament. Mind you this isn’t roses, rainbows and unicorns. It was fun, however, to get to ramble and pontificate for an hour and a half with people who actually hear with ears that can hear. I have linked both the You Tube version and the Spotify link below. The roots of JAZ Farm come from not being able to turn a blind eye to the direction our world is taking. It was quite an honor and I look forward to coming back at some point. Let the bloviating commence!

As Off-Grid As The Farm Is Ever Likely To Be

Two years ago, we had an unintended test of the farm’s solar system. While drilling post holes for the fence around our garden, I put the tractor’s auger right through the main power lines to the house. It also coincided with one of the coldest days of that winter. The house is all solar, and if the power goes out we have a 48 volt battery back up system to carry us through just as one might use a gas powered generator (We also have one of those). The batteries kick in automatically when the grid goes down. About 2/3’ds of the house is hooked up to it including the well pump (so we don’t lose access to water) and the main turbine on the furnace. During that fiasco, it was also cloudy for a good three days, which is kind of unusual here. Given that the system is solar, that doesn’t bode well for recharging the batteries. As a result, I spent the next two days rationing battery juice and working to make sure we didn’t get into a situation where we could have had frozen pipes.

The lesson learned was that while in sunny conditions, the batteries can carry the day, but it is quite a burden to put on them. For instance, even if the battery bank is fully charged, it can’t power the turbine all night because the charge, of course, is finite. Everything does well during the day and batteries do well for everything else at night, but we discovered a flaw in the system. Heat.

When we still lived in back in Michigan, and also when I lived up in the high country here in Colorado, we heated exclusively with wood. Times have changed, regulations have become more stringent, and our house didn’t have any venting available to hook up any kind of wood stove. Also, because physically I can’t spend all summer going up into the mountains to cut firewood and still expect to be able to farm, we had to figure out some of the pieces. The bottom line though is that we decided that in some fashion, we needed a more self-sufficient way to heat that didn’t involve propane (not to mention the potential for propane to skyrocket in price) and mechanical parts.

I won’t go into the details of trying to get the stove installed using the contractor we signed up with. It was awful ….. just awful. However, once the county got the permits approved and then the stove got installed and the stove got inspected and signed off on, the ridiculous story of installation came to a close. It is a great unit, it was installed well, and it is ours……. all ours.

The biggest issue in the set up was that we decided to have it placed in the basement. As the basement is a big concrete box, we didn’t have to mess around with heat resistant shields and flooring. We just didn’t want the stove pipe to stay in the house so as to reduce fire danger. This meant we had to have a core driller come out and put a big hole in our foundation so the chimney could go up the side of the house outside. It turned out great. Watching the hole get drilled was really fun and nail biting at the same time. If the installation didn’t work, we could have ended up with a big hole in our basement.

The stove itself is a very highly rated Blaze King Princess model. It is all EPA approved so even when the Front Range issues burning restrictions because of air quality, we don’t have to stop using it. In fact, it burns so clean that even with a raging fire in it, there is almost no smoke visible coming out of the stack. We discovered in short order that it can have you removing clothing rather quickly.

So this latest installation makes the farm about as off the grid as she is going to get. Sure, most of the posts about building the place had to do with fencing, barns, garden beds and corrals, but this one filled in a gap. Other than the fact that the solar system is still somewhat tied to the electric utility, we are not dependent upon it and virtually everything else here is self-contained. We have solar electricity, septic instead of a public sewer line, well water and water catchment, a propane tank instead of natural gas lines, gardens for growing food, animals for the same, and multiple ways to preserve our food as well. With our freeze dryer, my goal for as long as it takes is to have about 2 years of just freeze dried meals available. Not only is this easy in a pinch while we are working outside, it makes putting together meals for Zina when she is in the city, a snap.

We could, if we really wanted to get all purist about it all, build a root cellar and a composting toilet and install a solar hot water system; but I think that given how the majority of this country is dependent on grocery stores, for profit utilities and this glorious just in time delivery system that I have been squawking about ever since the world thought out-sourcing was a great idea, we are doing pretty well. We have another wood stove in one of our barns. I have downloaded some plans on how to turn that into a smokehouse. This will give us yet another way to preserve food – not to mention how good smoked meats taste! Should be fun!

We are going into a pretty cold few days next week. So far, the furnace hasn’t even turned on with this thing burning. We still have to tweak things a bit to get the heat to rise upstairs a bit more efficiently, but that is the fun of new projects like this. Just a short while ago, it was just another vision like all the other visions we have had here. Now here it is. As far as we are. concerned, living off-grid is the only way to fly..

A New Little Black Nut Case At The Farm

So look at what we done did! We have a new little pooper at the farm. Meet Pepper. We didn’t quite know what we would do with the sudden loss of Basil last summer. She left a big hole here and we didn’t want to just replace her with just anything. Zina and I did some soul searching and, as one has to face up to the fact that time keeps marching on, that if we were going to endure puppy-hood again, we had best get after it. If Pepper lives the normal 10-12 year lifespan of a Lab, we will be in our 70’s when she is gone. So if we wanted to train another dog, now seemed to be the time to do it. It was a bit of a search to find her as well. All these quarantined folks were buying up dogs hand over fist and were hard to find. Remarkably, when I was just about to start searching out of state, an ad on our local grocery store’s community bulletin board said that a farm not 10 miles from us had litters available. So we got on the list and did the couple of months worth of waiting. We even paid a bit extra to have pick of the females of the litter. While Basil was a great dog, she was an Alpha. She was pretty hard to train. Pepper was born on the 5th of November and we got her New Year’s eve 2021. So, if you have ever had a new born puppy, you understand just how much our lives have changed recently.

As usual with Labs, she is a pretty smart little lady. Watching Sage, she caught on to potty training with almost no effort. She still has the occasional accident but that is usually us missing the cues. It is pretty simple. If something goes in the front, it is going to push it out the back. Last night, for the first time, she made it all the way through the night. She will do the basic commands, sit, stay, come, down, get the hell away from the shoes, etc. Of course, they work the best if you have a hotdog treat as a reward, otherwise, the attention span can be a little short. We have done this a few times now, she is doing great. Big sister Sage has kind of begrudgingly accepted this intrusion into her usually tranquil life. She won’t tolerate her in the house, but will engage in Big Time Wrestling with her outside. Sage has also been a good instructor. What a sight it was to watch her teach Pepper how to go up and down the stairs.

One thing for certain, especially since I don’t bend well at the waist anymore, is that they put puppies a lot lower to the ground than in years past. She has definitely up’d our activity levels. She is crazy entertaining, has the energy of a wound up spring, and has brought back some smiles we seemed to have lost somewhere along the way with all the gloom that seems to be hanging over everyone these days. We will photograph and post as she grows into those floppy ears and over-sized paws. Momma was about 75 lbs. Pepper likely will be as well.