Destruction Lust. What a great term! As I had eluded to in the past, I needed to find some new direction here on the blog to keep it going and to keep me interested. What I hope to do from time to time, is to share some of the writing and ideas I put down in my daily journals. Obviously, I am not going to go into all the psychology and just flat out processing of life, but when I come across ideas that strike me as important with respect to the reason for living the lifestyle that we do here, it seems appropriate to let it all hang out. After all, it is my truth, and considering that this place would be one hell of a build to just have it be some “hobby,” I thought I would use this platform to let folks see the horror of my mind. Our world view shapes a great deal of the farm. It seemed right, considering we have crossed that line to 2024 – where you will be filling out checks improperly for a couple of months- that I get down and into the bushes with some of my ideas. So hang on. This ain’t fluffy bunnies and unicorns – although many of you may now have trouble with unicorns. That will be come pertinent if you understand analogy and metaphor

A woman who goes by the name Teal Swan came up with this term: Destruction Lust. She is kind of a new age crystal worshipper, but I like listening to her from time to time. This morning she posted her prognostications for 2024 and used this term as the main descriptor of her video. It also fit in well with anyone who has read, “The Fourth Turning,” or understands what that term means. It is the idea that around every 4th generation, enough time has passed so that people lose the memory of the history of the preceeding generations that went through periods of crisis or tribulation. As a result, history repeats itself and a new period of upheaval results. According to the authors, we are in that period now. Destruction Lust is something I have been feeling down to my core. From the news to social media, to just driving in traffic and the people I have breakfast with, this lust seems to be becoming more and more pervasive. It is my opinion that people are being driven insane on such a scale (locally to globally) that towels are being thrown in and the predominant theme that humanity is troping now is, “Bring it all down.” It is a collective sub-consciousness that seems to be willing its own destruction. ”Destruction Lust” struck a cord and I am finding that it really fits in with my world view – the very core of why the farm is here. The pain and confusion is so crazy making to the population that they seem to want to delete it all. The Fourth Turning. No one seems to want to talk about what might emerge on the other side of such upheaval – if anything – but right now there is a palpable destructive lust in the collective psyche.

The preppers and homesteaders all know it and can feel it. The system as we know it and all of the global upheaval and economic oppression are making people mad, as every possible crisis seems to be trying to happen all at once, not to mention just trying to pay for their basic standard of living that seems to be moving farther and farther out of reach. People are being made mad to the point of collective suicide. One can’t hope for a peaceful world when the predominant theme of this globalist order is the brazen exploitation of one another, particularly by the ruling elite, hedge funds and corporations. Resources and the planet in general – Gaia, who holds all the cards for our own survival – is being laid waste. What’s more is that we all know it but refuse to do anything about it. The left – right divide in the U.S. and the more important top down oppression are all malignant manifestations of this massive Fourth Turning illness.

This is not hyperbole’, Given years and years of counseling and a background in such, humans are, in fact, diagnosably insane. We treat our world like we are children. When I was a very young toddler, my dad took me to the beach in California. My dad had a knack for making sand and snow sculptures. He spent a great deal of time there making a sand pyramid repleat with walls around it and gates and all manner of detail. Some kids, that we didn’t know, had taken up playing with me but they were constantly asking my dad if when he was done and it was built, if they could jump and stomp on it, rather than admiring it and leaving it for people to see. We are like those 3 year olds on the beach, stomping the sand castle after its been built. We built this colossus and instead of trying to make things beautiful and peaceful and perhaps even self-sustaining, we want to stomp it down to nothing.

So there it is, in addition to my own health issues, the reason to hunker down on the farm and do our own crafts and engage in creative expression.

Why does it all feel like chaos? Why does it all feel so dangerous? Because it is. Insane zombies exist and the virus of the mind (The spreading of psy-ops through the media) that made them that way is that Destruction Lust. Contrary to popular belief, people rarely think for themselves. Opinion is largely manufactured and distributed and then repeated millions of times – if that wasn’t true we wouldn’t have a multi-billion dollar advertising and infotainment industry. The truth is that they feel powerless to effect change through any other means. Their lives have been reduced to rubble and the lashing out has now commenced. So that, to me, describes the whole prepper/homesteader movement. We all want out of the line of fire and want to be left to live our lives while the rest of the world loses its collective minds. We want to escape the irrational and what will likely be a horrible Destructive Lust. As I have been diagnosed as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), I feel the emotional impact of this deeply. Deeply to the point of depression. Some people drop out and some people, like my friend Canadian Prepper on You Tube, get scope locked on the events on a daily basis. Of course, he is in his 40’s and has kids and is trying to make a living in preparedness, but it seems clear from his videos, by someone that has something of a skill at reading people and body language, that he is beyond stressed about it. While about 85% of my reclusion is because I need to heal from a lot of issues, the rest is absolutely because of this. I am finding the world increasingly unstable and as such, Zina and I live here at our hand built Shire as American Hobbits.

I will pre-occupy my time by staying away from social media and the need to know everything current event wise in the detail that my old job demanded. I will occupy the last third of my life doing my fiber arts, games, reading, astronomy, our animals, growing food and just keeping the farm safe and secure. Again, to quote The Whopper computer in the movie “War Games” – “The only way to win, is not to play.” Humanity has lost its mind and its outward manifestation is this destruction lust with the end result potentially being mass deletion. Weapons of mass destruction are simply a global cry for help from a population living and reacting at about the mental capacity of 11 year olds. People tend to stop developing emotionally around the age of 11. So if you come across an 80 year old, it is quite likely that you are dealing with someone with 69 years of experience at being 11. This is equally likely with those we have put in charge or who have seized power. Now they want to stomp the sand castles.

You have probably heard this reference in your life, that not being involved makes you part of the problem. I have come to the conclusion that this is utter bullshit and completely misguided. I agree with George Carlin who said, “If you think there is a solution, you are part of the problem.” I think that what we need is a mass resurgence of small farms, a return to subsistence living, cottage industries, local gathering places, communities unencumbered by religion, non-polluting transportation, homemaking and barn raising. Ever since the 80’s, Milton Friedman and the narcissistic, greedy, ego driven capitalists, used his trickle down economics theory as the excuse to lay waste to the living planet. People were sold this supply-side economics tripe and now that they are seeing what shit this has turned their lives into, they want everything and everyone to pay. This is the torches and pitchforks phase of the cancer stage of capitalism. I hate to have to say this, but I think there will be some kind of civil war or revolution. It matters not to me who starts it or why, but the fact that 1/6 was yesterday, it seems we have seen what may transpire when the spark really gets ignited. Whatever it looks like, it will get a very well vetted title for it by the media- which will be completely wrong, but it will keep the peasants enraged so the lust can continue. Lust will be unleashed and even promoted. Because this will happen at the same time hornets with nuclear weapons are converging on Eastern Europe, the Middle East and China, all at the same time, I see little room for much optimism especially when the weapon of mass destruction, equally as destructive, is debt and the collapse of the global economy. Food shortages, because of a refusal to admit or do anything about global warming will cause mass die offs that we are decidedly not prepared for. You can go into an air conditioned building, but you can’t cool a corn field, or water it when the droughts hit (probably in the next few years, if even that long). So I weave and spin yarn. This could all cost millions of lives of the pawns, the global infrastructure and this insane global supply chain system and the very eco-system we all need – that all life on Gaia, needs. The atmosphere cannot withstand the emissions that a global conflict will create. Proof of insanity is that militaries in these new spheres of conflict truly believe, and have stated unequivocally, that they think the use of tactical battlefield nukes in war can be winnable. Destruction Lust will leave Mother Earth no choice but to shut us all down. The Destruction Lust will be complete – proving that NONE of the human systems of governance and how we inhabit this planet were sustainable. Thus, they’ve ALL been wrong. The entire system, ALL of it, wrong. I fear that this is going to get down right awful.

A friend and I have started using “Hobbit” as a verb; i.e to hobbit. Its the way of living in the spirit of Tolkien’s Shire as being really the only way to have a chance of surviving – or at least maintaining some sense of peace while the Orcs ruin everything. I hobbit to heal. I hobbit for peace in a world not of my choosing. I hobbit to take refuge from the Orcs and Zombies that rip, smash and tear at everything on this beautiful Orb. I hobbit so I can create art in a world of glass and steel, smog, weapons, crumbling infrastructure and bombed out cities because they somehow contain the wrong kind of people. Considering how ineffective every single institution this species has created has been, being a recluse seems like a pretty sound alternative.

So far this haphazard evolution of civilization fashioned by 11 year olds has created overpopulation, the depletion of every resource on the planet, communism, democracy, socialism, dictatorships, capitalism, monopolies, concentration camps, genocide, nuclear weapons, massive defense spending because of greed, inept social programs, the U.N., trickle down economics, the Federal Reserve and central banks, human trafficking, drug cartels, wars over resources, for profit medical systems, insane immigration policies, denial of environmental issues, Jevon’s paradox, the fallacy of sunken costs, industrial agriculture, unrestricted fossil fuel development and use, massive species extinction and the death of the living planet. All of this is like a flat screen TV in its depth. There is no there, there. All is with no substance in truth, all is being fed to us so that we can turn the planet into digits on a screen and call it profit. But remember, your vote counts and the gods we all created, love only your side. Christians get a white Jesus and a completely white heaven and he came to earth so we can all become wealthy. Thus, even our gods allow for bigoted racism and the destruction of our very planet – but by all means, let the billionaire 11 year olds talk about colonizing Mars and the second coming (when the first one never happened). It is all too much.

How is it that me retreating into my cave like a kitten crawling into the safety of her box, then weaving, spinning and growing food is wrong compared to this nightmare of Destruction Lust? Things like golf is wrong, revenge travel and flying private jets is wrong, the Military Industrial Complex that rules everything is evil to its core and people are completely infected at all levels with this desire to destroy everything. Yet tonight, the self-appointed beautiful people will fly private jets, doll up in their finest and give each other awards lauding their talents in the entertainment/distraction industry. People who have retreated to the cottage and homestead life have seen the eye of Sauron. There is no one coming to save us from ourselves. Hobbiting, in all of its Shire metaphors, is still the only answer. We need millions more who are much, much, less motivated to further this death cult.

So that oughta give you some things to rage at me about. Have fun. I don’t care anymore. Did you really think I destroyed myself physically to build a farm just so I could have few chickens? Please.

And away we go! 2023 is gone and I have yet to run into anyone that has said they will miss it. Given what a turbulent year it was for us, this morning we were very happy to see bright blue sky and moderately warm weather greeting us. It wasn’t like that last year. In fact, last year was quite the buzz kill.

One year ago today, during a blizzard and horrible cold, we lost Donovan to bladder stones, and because of him, Julio had to go on to find a new partner. I miss my boys. They were the gurus of the farm. They could teach you more about mindfulness, presence and enlightenment than any human could. All you needed was a handful of animal crackers as an offering.

On a happier note, TWO years ago today, this little nut came home with us. While a lab puppy will test every inch of your patience, she made it to year two and is turning into quite a friend. One needs to learn quickly on that there are basically only three things that can determine the reason for their behavior: 1. Food, 2. They have an unbelievable amount of energy and need to have their asses run off on a daily basis, and 3. They are crazy attached to their humans. Pepper is a bonafide member of the farm crew. No one is getting on this place without her knowing about it and passing it up the chain of command.

A sense of normalcy has settled in on the farm. As I have posted about ad nauseam in this space, we have been looking forward to nesting into the farm and simply living like the old fashioned couple we are. As such, we are switching a lot of gears. While Zina still has to work to keep our insurance (stupid system) we are tapping into our creative spirits. She is currently studying conversational Spanish, took a class on stained glass window making, and as I write, she is up coloring. I have finally gotten back to my loom. We have re-arranged the studio room in the basement and created room for the fiber arts creations to happen. I don’t know where this textile bug came from; Perhaps from my mother teaching me to sew way back in elementary school, teaching myself to crochet around that time or even the commercials about Rosie Greer doing needlepoint. Who knows, but I have laid down some plans to not not only do it as a hobby, but perhaps to even create a little Etsy shop and go around to local craft shows. Nothing is firm, but the seeds are being sown. In addition to that, I had always been pretty fascinated with spinning wool into actual yarn. One idea I’ve had is to use local fleece from sheep and Alpaca’s around here and spin it into yarn and use the yarn to make shawls and scarves. 

Because of my mother’s holiday generosity, I was able to order a spinning wheel and the associated gizmos and bobs. The co-owner of my weaving shop is a nationally known spinner. I was able to get some guidance from both her, her book, and my weaving coach. The wheel is made here in Boulder and is the same brand as my loom. Now I am sitting here fidgeting, waiting for it to arrive…… 6 weeks!!! Oh well, in the meantime I have taken 3 different courses online and watched just about every spinning video out there. It doesn’t look exceptionally difficult, but they have all said it is like learning to play an instrument. Practice, practice, practice. 

I am actually thinking that this will start to become a big part of my day. Stay tuned!

The rest of this posting is simply a collection of things I’ve put on Instagram. My life has changed an awful lot in the past 2 years. It wasn’t all expected. Some has to do with my physical health but a lot has to do with the fact that I have been journaling for almost that whole time. An author I am kind of enamored with goes by the name Jed McKenna. He, as well as Julia Cameron in her book, “The Artist’s Way” talks about writing as a way of connecting spiritually and trying to find your own truths. I also believe that it and my own reading and studying have been more effective than the therapists have been. Jed’s way of putting it is to “Sit down, shut up, and write until you know something that is true.” So I did. And I have. I’ve gone through over 1000 pages. Once you do that diligently, things change….. a lot. While I can’t adequately describe it you will kind of see both in a genuine way and more of an “I’ve run out of patience” kind of way, what I am getting at.

This is my rest of days. It seems fitting to demarcate it on a day of resolutions. I have 1000’s of pages of journaling that got me here. One should live authentically, unapologetically, knowing who you are and where you are going. I am in agreement with Socrates who said that the unexamined life is not worth living. I have gone from the depths to the heights, gone to over there and back again, I’ve overcome ferocious abuse and have gone over this weird ass universe with a fine toothed comb. I know me. Looking in a mirror at my soul doesn’t scare me in the least. This world, driven as it is by fragile egos, cannot understand it. In a world where most are operating on autopilot, programmed by someone other than themselves, I no longer give credence to the opinion or the gaslighting of others. I am awake and aware. The last third is mine, unapologetically. I’ve lost virtually all of my friends because of it and even still, I am content. One needs to die to the past, see the delusion that keeps everyone blind, see the man behind the curtain and, smiling a knowing smile, walk away into the mist. This world, that has been created out of fear and mental illness, holds no place for me and so I need to leave it all behind. I live to create, contemplate, find fulfillment in the natural world, and say goodbye to a world driven to destroy itself. Many search for ultimate reality their entire lives and fail. I can actually give thanks for an abused life as it set me on a quest to see clearly. I know first hand the terror of being in perpetual survival mode and complex trauma. I have better things to do than to waste my time on the subject matter of the slumbering fools: Religion (which is the Pre-K level of spirituality) lizard brained politics, war, and those that would destroy the living planet to turn the land and water into numbers on a screen and count it as power and wealth. This isn’t some Tik Tok infantile “new me” line, this has been a deep soul crushing examination. This was Jed McKenna style spiritual autolysis – a devouring of the self. It has been a decades long clawing away to find truth. I HAD to know. For me there was simply nothing more important than knowing what was true. I have detached. I have become quiet. I have walked away. I have no more questions.

No one is coming to save you. Here’s to hoping we aren’t totally fucked. We are, but here’s to hope anyway. Why do I say it like that? Because somebody has to say it. Might as well be me. I told the whole system to KMA a long time ago. What is unfortunate is that it seems everyone is getting more and more sucked into it on a daily basis.

Are you even a little bit ready? They make you think it is all “The Markets.” Instead, invest in stuff you need, like food and water and protection and medical and know how to use it all. Learn and invest in skills and barterable items, then get tangible commodities. Remember, as opposed to pre-collapse times, to quote Lynette Zang from ITM Trading, “Today, if you don’t hold it you don’t own it.” Digits on a screen do not make wealth. Even a can of beans has value. Navigating the aisles at Target ain’t a skill set. Don’t get Stockholm Syndrome. You will die broke as your corporate masters suck you dry.

In 2024 please invest wisely. Sincerely, a retired old financial guru. We are living in the age of convergence. Everything is trying to happen all at once.

Here’s a good one: I resolve to wake the fuck up in 2024 and detach from the system as much as possible.

Now repeat after me: I, ______, resolve for 2024 to learn how to grow and preserve my own food. Where I can’t, I resolve to buy bulk and buy locally.

Instead of Kroger, if you can’t do anything else, go here. These are farmers that are DOING. Give THEM your money instead of the poison industrial complex that only sells you chemicals and food like substances.

Can you do anything that someone might barter with you for? Do you do it?

Resolve to learn skills and then teach them.

So what is it, that at its core you can do that is actually worth a shit?

If you want to bring emissions down to pre-industrial levels, one must live pre-industrially. The number of people who have followed me to try to get there in the past 17 years? Zero. Here’s to more awakenings in 2024. Best of luck in the “New Year.” I’m pretty sure Super El Nino gots some schoolin’ cummin’ for most of the population. Even the birds aren’t migrating this year. Mandatory powering down will happen easy or hard. Learn some old timey skills if you can’t do anything else for self-reliance. Peace be with you when the freak out happens, because that’s what is coming to those with eyes wide shut. The Orcs rule the asylum. Resolve to get out if you can, live simply and deliberately, grow food and create local community. Decouple from the almighty devices.

“But JON! You just don’t get it! I live in a suburb and can’t do all those things you do!” Really? Wimp. Excuses are like a..h..s.. This picture was PRE JAZ Farm. If I could, you can.

Oh shut up with all this “I can’t” bullshit. You just need to be willing to be uncomfortable for awhile. The average age of a farmer in America is almost 60 (I’m 61). Someone, somewhere is more than willing to teach you. Unfortunately, it is hard to fill a cup that is already full, or show a head that is completely brainwashed by technograndiosity that tech won’t save you. The US Archery Coach used to say that the problem with the US archers wasn’t due to a lack of enthusiasm and drive, it was that they said “I know” way to much. Having to learn isn’t an insult or a blow to your ego unless you deem it so. Better to learn self-sufficiency now than to be dumb, broke and hungry.

“But you are being unfair JON! I live in an apartment and have limited space. I can’t! I can’t I can’t!! I have to get to WALMART for their cheap Chinese shit!” Ya? Tell me more about can’t. This was a 10X10 room. 100% hydroponic. We grew our salad and herbs year round. 

What do you mean “You can’t?” We did it despite all the naysayers to the contrary. You want to change the system!? This is how ya do it! I started building this at 50! Its all a matter of priority, mind over matter and an understanding of what is of ultimate importance. THAT is a New Year’s resolution worth pursuing. Cutting back on buying shit and drinking less coffee and whiskey and eating less McDonald’s ain’t it. Bite off something worthy of your existence. Focus damnit. There are only so many heartbeats in a lifetime. Use yours wisely so that your children might have a chance.